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 not knowing.
i've come to the conclusion that waiting to find out what an out come of a certain situation is has got to be far worse than actually knowing the outcome or where one stands. even if the out come or answer is not what one was hoping for, it provides one with closure or a means to take active measures to tackle the situation at hand.
i've been grappling with several of my own challenges and my mind has been battling it out and weighing things out and trying to figure out what steps to take with the answers i will/or will not get. my mind is like a pendulum right now as it swings from one end to the other with possible scenarios and out comes.
it sure would be nice to just turn it all off and "not worry" about things, but this is easily said and not easily done. i suppose that in the mean time i am learning lessons along the way, learning things about myself, what i want, what i need, and how to rely on others and share my experiences to gain further support and get a different perspective.
some of these challenges i know i will get answers too. some of them i know i will have to be patient and things will work themselves out on their own. some of them i fear, i will never get an answer too, and the hard part will be getting my own closure along the way so that i can move forward.
either way, in time, i know things will be better...it's just surviving the journey and making it count that's the hard part.
for now, all i can do is pray about it and talk about it with people that i trust and rejoice in some of the things i have learned along the way.
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posted by Rachel at