Wednesday, March 09, 2005
My heart hurts today. It was a bizarre day. I woke up feeling on top of the world and pumped for the day and by late afternoon, I felt like shit.

I think I have jumped the gun. I confessed to a long time friend last night that I am "interested" in him. We have been getting together alot lately, and I was thinking in my head that we were dating, because all fingers pointed in that direction.

So I get this email back and he says he would like to leave things as a friendship with me... But I am not really interested in that at the moment. I was kind of putting a lot of hope into this and the potential that it could be. It's so hard investing so much time into someone only to be let down. I feel like it is a waste of time...I mean come on...2 years!

I mean here are the facts and you tell me what you think.

-We have been emailing eachother for almost 2 years now with an average of 3-4 emails per week.

-Whenever we get together, he insists on paying. HE wont let me.

-We have so much in common, and all we ever do is talk non-stop for hours.

-We always leave things hanging implying we will get together soon.

-He lives an hour and a half away, so it's not like it is convienient to get together.

-Im HOT! Why shouldnt he like me???

But then I think it would be to good to be true because I am used goods and why would some guy as good as that want to have anything to do with me anyways.

SO he asked me to reply back to his email and I just breifly sent him a reply and stated that I didnt know exactly what to write at the moment. I told him I would take some time to think on it and pray.

SO NOW MY HEART HURTS...but I guess it is better than being out of the loop and just wondering "What If" all the time.

I am not going to give out complete hope either. I mean he did admit that he was completely confused and thinking and praying on things. The thing that concerns me is that he wants some "SIGN" from God on who he is suppose to chose as his mate. I think the thing to do is place the person before God and see what God says...if he gives you peace about it then that is your sign...if there is just confusion and discontent...then it is time to move on.

All I can say is I have peace about him and perhaps he is just not at the right spot for things to happen if he is not at the point where he can place things befor God and wait for the peace that comes and passes all understanding.

I thought he was the one I was going to marry. I could see myself marrying him...I dont let myself think that about guys that way...the thought has been there in the back of my mind since I my eyes opened up to the possibility 2 years ago.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This sucks.

*SIGH*

posted by Rachel at 12:45:00 AM -
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