A Tale Of Two Grains

From a story by AP:

An 8-year-old girl who suffers from a rare digestive disorder and cannot consume wheat has had her first Holy Communion declared invalid because the wafer contained none, violating Catholic doctrine.

complete story from CBS News

Evidently her wafer had rice, and I guess rice just doesn't cut it. Let's take a look at the two grains in question:

Hmmm. I don't get it. It looks pretty much the same.... WAIT A MINUTE!!! Right there!!!

The genus is different!!! Ah, I see now. Clearly, The Lord approves of Triticum, but frowns on Oryza for his transubstantiation needs. You'd think the same class or order would be enough. Surely, the same family would suffice; but no, I guess it all comes down to the genus.

Let's look at some photos, shall we?

First, here's rice:

Sort of grass-like, isn't it? Definitely a plant.

Next, here's wheat:

Ahhh.... I see. Much different. You see, the little stalks appear to be closer together, more dense if you will. Looks grass-like, too... but you know, it must be the denseness that makes it the better and proper transubstantiator.

Let's hear some more from the Catholic church on this issue:

The Diocese of Trenton has told Waldman's mother that the girl can receive a low-gluten host, drink wine at communion or abstain entirely, but that any host without gluten does not qualify as Holy Communion.

complete story from CBS News

AHA! So it's the gluten, then, that miraculously transforms into the body of Christ. Why didn't they say so right off? Of course, I only have the Revised Standard Edition of The Bible, but a quick cursory look yielded no mention of gluten. Too bad I've misplaced my King Jame's version; it must be mentioned in there.

Let's take a look at gluten:

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary

Gluten \Glu"ten\, n. [L., glue: cf. F. gluten. See Glue.]



(Chem.)



The viscid, tenacious substance which gives adhesiveness to

dough.

Well, that cleared that up. Apparently, rice flour doesn't have enough viscid, tenacious substances, and/or its dough is not adhesive enough.

I think it's interesting that according to the Catholic Church one doesn't have to partake in the wine for the communion to be official, but damn it, you have to eat some gluten!!! I'm just glad the Church has grabbed this Very Important Issue by the horns. After all, the Church has absolutely no other problems, so they can afford to spend time and energy making sure that only the proper genus of Poaceae grain is consumed in the name of Christ.