Saturday, July 31, 2004
WARNING...going to speak my mind here...Emotions are volatile right now.
will I regret it later...Probably. But you cant blame me for expressing myself for what I am feeling right now.

I think my new name should be THIRD WHEEL/FIFTH WHEEL/THE USELESS WHEEL...Because that is how I feel whenever I am around my friends. I feel like whatever I have to say isn't that important or interesting and when I do say something I get criticized by it...Like when I was discussing my money situation and how I consolidated my loans it was said that I was sharing to much information. I can't help it if people ask me what is new in my life and that is what is exciting and new in my life at the time. Or if I say something was not right cuz a friend lied to me...And they just say "oh well, no harm came of it"...Well yeah...There was harm done cause you lied to me and tried to justify your actions instead of apologizing...Because yeah I was hurt because you lie made me look dumb infront of someone else who thought I was on crack because they didn't know what the heck I was talking about when I thought they would obviously would have known about had it been true.

Or when you want to help a friend out to do something good but they don't want your help because they want to take all the glory and recognition for doing something nice for that other person. Serving isn't suppose to be a selfish thing. It should be something that you can do with other people who are eager to serve too so that they too can bring glory to God. And should I mention the amount of back stabbing and gossip that goes on behind my back but ofcourse I always hear about it or reap the repercussions in the way that people act around me because they go by what the other "friend" told them about me.

I cant wait to get out of this town. Find some true friends that actually care and aren't so consumed with their own lives and drama.

This does not include Kristen by the way.

Or I will become a recluse and not have any friends and that way I wont be hurt all the time.

Any ways, life sucks. I was looking forward to having a nice long weekend but instead I get to mope at home and do nothing cuz I don't want to hang where I don't feel welcome or valued. You know it would be nice to be thanked once in a while for being someone's friend. I always thought I have done this by dropping little notes/treats off at friends houses or sharing scriptures and advice and offering to pray for friends...yadayadayada...Anyways...Peace out.
posted by Rachel at 11:06:00 PM -
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